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When a teacher asks parents to be partners, he or she doesn't necessarily mean Mom or Dad should be camping in the classroom. Research shows that though students benefit modestly from having parents involved at school, what happens at home matters much more. According to research based on the National Education Longitudinal Study, a sample of nearly 25,000 eighth-graders, among four main areas of parental involvement (home discussion, home supervision, school communication and school participation), home discussion was the most strongly related to academic achievement.
Any partnership requires that both sides do their part. Teachers say that here again, parents can have double standards: Push hard, but not too hardmaintain discipline, but don't punish my child. When teachers tell a parent that a child needs to be reprimanded at home, teachers say they often get the response, 'I don't reprimand, and don't tell me how to raise my child.' Older teachers say they are seeing in children as young as 6 and 7 a level of disdain for adults that was once the reserve of adolescents. Some talk about the 'dry-cleaner parents' who drop their rambunctious kids off in the morning and expect them to be returned at the end of the day all clean and proper and practically sealed in plastic.
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At the most disturbing extreme are the parents who like to talk about values but routinely undermine them. 'You get savvier children who know how to get out of things,' says a second-grade teacher in Murfreesboro, Tenn. 'Their parents actually teach them to lie to dodge their responsibilities.' Didn't get your homework done? That's O.K. Mom will take the fall. Late for class? Blame it on Dad. Parents have sued schools that expelled kids for cheating, on the grounds that teachers had left the exams out on a desk and made them too easy to steal. 'Cheating is rampant,' says Steve Taylor, a history teacher at Beverly Hills High School in California. 'If you're not cheating, then you're not trying. A C means you're a loser.' Every principal can tell a story about some ambitious student, Ivy bound, who cheats on an exam. Teacher flunks her. Parents protest: She made a mistake, and you're going to ruin her life. Teachers try to explain that good kids can make bad decisionsthe challenge is to make sure the kids learn from them. 'I think some parents confuse advocating on behalf of their student with defending everything that the student does,' says Scott Peoples, a history teacher at Skyview High School outside Denver.
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- If you're not cheating, . . . A C means you're a loser.
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- some parents confuse advocating . . . that the student does,
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